Embrace your pain by Tahira Tahir

Written by Guest Writer

June 6, 2021

Pain transforms you. Yes, it does, and in ways you can never imagine. It was nearly two years ago that my 10-month-old son was diagnosed with a terminal genetic disorder followed by his demise a few months later. Life after this has taken a huge leap forward. Physically I might be back to living without a child, but mentally it’s been a transformation that wouldn’t have been possible in a thousand years.

As I live this journey with my share of highs and lows, here are ten things my pain taught me that I would like to share:

  1. Empathy- when defined as a word and when felt as a feeling, holds two entirely different meanings. I had used the word empathy earlier, but I felt empathy only after I received it from
    my people. Today I know that empathizing with someone does not merely mean feeling what that person feels, but also means lending a helping hand. A heart in pain doesn’t always need your advice, it sometimes just needs a listening ear.
  2. Life is uncertain: No matter how much you plan your life, it can screw up even in the simplest of things. Life needs to be lived one day at a time and that’s the only way to make way for happiness. Plans fail, people go, dreams shatter but you remain.
  3. Contentment: YOUR life Vs THEIR life will always be a battle lost. It’s like comparing apples to oranges. Everyone’s journey is unique and hence your journey can only be compared with
    itself. The more you look at how happy someone currently is, the more depressing it will get.
    When we celebrate, someone might mourn and vice versa. Why not then just live in the
  4. Social media sucks: The whole idea of social media revolves around looking at other people’s
    lives and comparing them to yours. The worst part is, it only shows us the best of other lives.
    Those half-baked stories leave you cribbing about how bad your own life is. Social media
    sure needs a pause button.
  5. Everything you know is temporary: From habits to emotions, from circumstances to
    people, everything in this world is temporary. Don’t expect for anything to last forever in this
    temporary life.
  6. Fear it and you will face it: Life tests you with your biggest obsessions. May be that’s God’s
    way of making you get rid of them. The more you fear losing something, the higher the chances
    you’ll lose it and eventually learn to live without it.
  7. Don’t judge: We often judge people by their outward behaviour. I have learnt that though people might look happy or might behave in a way that might seem unpleasant to you, never
    judge them unless you know what they’re going through. I have seen the brightest smiles hiding the deepest wounds.
  8. Never market your worries: As the saying goes, there is no market for your emotions.
    While your positive behaviour could inspire some people, your negative vibes and constant
    cribbing might take people away from you. Not everyone lends a helping hand and so everyone
    doesn’t deserve to share your worries.
  9. Your struggle is only yours: No matter how much support you have from family and friends,
    your struggle is always yours. Unless you fight your inner inhibitions and win the argument
    with your own mind, no book, no friend, no one close to you one can ever convince you. And once you’ve convinced yourself, there’s no one who can stop you.
  10. Keep learning and growing: Each phase of life, be it good or bad, has a lesson attached to it. Never forget to grab it as you move forward. Forget the negative phase but never forget what it taught you. Having said that, I would also stress on the fact that every person heals in his/her own way. Different people have different responses to pain. No matter what your response may be, always remember to…
    Embrace your pain.



  1. Tahira Tahir

    Thank you so much for sharing this here. I hope it reaches from my heart to the heart of others struggling like me.

    • Erika Petrie

      It has indeed been my pleasure to publish such a personal, moving and heartfelt article Tahira. I applaud your bravery in sharing something so personal, difficult and painful but with so much positive and wise insight too…you are an amazing and resilient person and I wish you to be blessed abundantly for everything you have lost my dear friend. Sending love.

  2. Naima arif

    Every single line in this article is a feeling in itself. Applause Tahira tahir.


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